Episode 044 of Living in Response is another real-time processing of coming out the other side of a spiritual crisis plus some of the rabbit holes I’ll be spending time in this summer.
Thank you for your time & energy towards this unedited, unfiltered, and still yet to be determined journey <3
Topics Covered in This Episode:
Summarized (mostly) with AI
1️⃣ Library Wisdom & Ram Dass’ Teachings
I reflect on how I’m using the library instead of buying books impulsively, and how that’s helped me deepen my exploration of Ram Dass’ work. I’m currently reading Be Here Now, Grist for the Mill, and Journey of Awakening—and these teachings are meeting me exactly where I’m at.
2️⃣ From Form to Formless
I recount a psychedelic cannabis breathwork journey where I experienced myself as pure energy. This shifted how I breathe, how I perceive my body, and how I understand what it means to live as energy.
3️⃣ Spiritual Crises & Integration
I’ve had not one but two spiritual crises recently. I talk about how the first one cracked me open and the second sent me searching for more grounding. Integration—through support, coherence, and embodiment—is where I’m landing now.
4️⃣ Living as Energy
That deep energetic experience taught me that the breath doesn't just move top to bottom—it moves in from all directions. My embodiment and coherence practices have since become less imagined, more felt, and more real.
5️⃣ Support When You’re Spiraling
I reached out to a psychic intuitive for support and immediately felt grounded. She reflected truths I already knew—but needed to hear from someone else. The power of being witnessed never gets old.
6️⃣ The Call to Stay Grounded
As I went deeper into energetic and mystical teachings, I felt the pull to return to earth. Sand, nature, and somatic awareness reminded me: spiritual expansion needs roots.
7️⃣ Spiritual Growth Is Not Linear
I share how I’m learning to trust my rhythms and soften into paradox. My spiritual growth is cyclical, not a straight shot—and that’s okay.
8️⃣ Embodiment Changed Everything
I explain how imagination helped me feel energy at first, but embodiment made it real. My edges began dissolving in meditation. It was beautiful—and intense.
9️⃣ Exploring the Role of Guides
I’ve never really resonated with “guides,” but I’m softening. I share a few uncanny synchronicities that make me wonder: what if I really am being supported in subtle ways?
🔟 Small Requests, Big Signs
I tell lighthearted stories about asking my guides for help with parking and waking up earlier—and how those requests were met. I’m building trust in small ways.
1️⃣1️⃣ The Stream of Life (Not Just Consciousness)
This podcast isn’t just a stream of consciousness—it’s a stream of life. I reflect on the evolving nature of this space and how I’m learning to let it unfold one episode at a time.
1️⃣2️⃣ The Mycelial Metaphor
Inspired by a DoubleBlind workshop and the book Entangled Life, I get curious about how fungi networks mirror collective healing. Maybe our path forward looks more like a forest floor than a solo hero’s journey.
1️⃣3️⃣ You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
I reflect on how I once believed I had to build my own platform from scratch to make a difference. Now I see that real change happens through collective action. There are already people doing the work—I just have to find my place in the web.
1️⃣4️⃣ Victimhood, Projection, and Service
I open up about growing up in a low-income, underserved community and how I’ve had to unlearn the savior mindset. Real service, I’ve found, begins with respect—not projection.
1️⃣5️⃣ Depth Over Width
Instead of chasing new certifications, I’m going deeper with what I already love—like coherence, cannabis, and embodiment. I’m realizing that skimming the surface feels safe, but depth is where the transformation happens.
🌀 The Bottom Line: Let It Be Deep, Let It Be Yours
This episode is about softening into paradox, choosing depth over speed, and rooting into your own journey. There is nothing wrong with moving slowly. There is wisdom in becoming. And you are not alone on this path.
Mentions & Resources
not affiliated, just sharing what’s alive for me
💖 Ram Dass – Teachings on love, service, and the divine paradox
📘 Be Here Now, Grist for the Mill, Journey of Awakening – My current reading stack
🍃 The Heart of Meditation by the Dalai Lama – A perspective-widening read
🔥 Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake – Fungal wisdom and interconnection
🌱 Finding the Mother Tree by Suzanne Simard – Trees, mycelium, and mutual support
💨 Psychedelic Cannabis & Breathwork – Pathways to interoceptive awakening
🧘 Heart Coherence Practice – My citizen-scientist experiment in daily regulation
🌍 DoubleBlind’s Mycelial Movements Workshop – Activism inspired by nature 4/27/25
🎤 This Podcast – A long unfolding, a public soulcast, a way of being with life
❤️ Core Message @ me ❤️
You don’t have to save the world on your own. There’s a web that already exists. You just have to find your place in it, tend to it, and stay rooted in what’s true for you. Depth is your path. Trust it.
Extra grateful today that libraries exist! Support your local library <3
Mystically,
Belle
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