Episode 057 of Living in Response is a reflection of experiencing deep humanity in a randomly assigned roommate and a lil bit about “decolonization” and my experience growing up mixed race.
Eternal gratitude as always for your time, presence, and attention as I navigate the waters of this unedited, real-time exploration in speaking <3
Topics Covered in This Episode:
Summarized (mostly) with AI
1️⃣ The Most Powerful Part of the Retreat Wasn’t About Coaching
I share how the biggest breakthrough at my coaching retreat in Cabo had nothing to do with business or personal development. It came through an unexpected, deeply healing conversation with my roommate—one that cracked open something ancestral.
2️⃣ Meeting a Fellow Introvert—And Finding Myself in Her
We were two quiet observers in a room full of bold, extroverted entrepreneurs. Our energy clicked. Through quiet nights and real talks, I got to witness someone who mirrored my inner world—and it made me feel more understood.
3️⃣ Mixed-Race, Culturally Disconnected, and Feeling Like an Outsider
I open up about the complexities of growing up mixed-race—how I was “too brown for the white kids, too white for the black kids, and not brown enough for the brown kids.” I didn’t speak Spanish, didn’t grow up immersed in Mexican culture, and felt like I belonged nowhere.
4️⃣ Reclaiming Spanish, Reclaiming Self
Being in Mexico awakened something deep: a call to learn Spanish from a place of embodiment, not obligation. I’m realizing that this language is in my bones, in my blood—and that reclaiming it is a form of healing.
5️⃣ “Do I Have a Right to This?”—Fear of Appropriation vs. Blood Memory
I explore the fear that I’m not “allowed” to learn about my culture because I didn’t grow up in it. But I’m beginning to understand that colonization wants us to feel this separation—and decolonization invites us to remember what’s already ours.
6️⃣ Whitewashing & Unspoken Rules in My Upbringing
I reflect on the subtle ways my upbringing was shaped by unconscious whitewashing. From racist language in the family to being taught I was “not like them,” I unpack how these messages made me question who I was allowed to be.
7️⃣ The Trauma of “Not Enoughness” in Every Direction
From daycare to schoolyards, I share how being mixed without a clear cultural home left me vulnerable to rejection from all sides—and how that trauma planted the seed of never feeling “enough” anywhere.
8️⃣ The Pain of Cultural Disconnection & the Longing to Know
I express the grief of growing up without deep cultural knowledge or rituals, and how that left a void. Now, as an adult, I feel the ache to remember—to learn not from curiosity alone, but from longing and love.
9️⃣ Why Lineage Matters Now More Than Ever
I talk about why I’m choosing to learn only from people with lineage—whether it’s Mingyur Rinpoche’s thousand-year meditation lineage or Indigenous teachers rooted in ancient ritual. What’s passed down matters.
🔟 Decolonization: From Trigger Word to Truth
The word “decolonization” used to feel unnecessary—even uncomfortable. But after reading Decolonizing the Body by Kelsey Blackwell, I see how colonization shaped my fears, my silence, and my separation from culture and self.
1️⃣1️⃣ The Invitation to Remember
As I speak with my roommate, we name how many of us are waiting for permission to reclaim what’s already ours. Our ancestors are calling—not to perform culture, but to remember it.
1️⃣2️⃣ You’re Not Appropriating—You’re Returning
We discuss the difference between appropriation and reclamation, and how those of us with mixed or lost roots often walk that razor’s edge. But when it’s in your blood, it’s not a costume. It’s a homecoming.
1️⃣3️⃣ Learning Through Lineage-Based Rituals
I share about two upcoming experiences: a ritual-based morning practice rooted in Peruvian tradition, and a decolonial storytelling course called Sovereign Storyteller. Both are supporting me in healing through rhythm, ritual, and remembrance.
1️⃣4️⃣ Storytelling as Ancestral Thread
The desire to become a storyteller has come alive. It’s in my lineage, even if it wasn’t named that way. Story is how we carry memory—and how we feed the field with truth, connection, and belonging.
1️⃣5️⃣ Land Acknowledgment & Where We Begin
I close with reflections on land acknowledgment, especially here in LA County—Tongva, Tataviam, Serrano, Kizh, and Chumash land. This too is part of decolonization: starting right where you are, with presence and respect.
🌀 The Bottom Line:
You don’t need to prove your ancestry to feel it.
You don’t need to grow up in a culture to honor it.
You don’t need to wait for permission to remember.
You’re allowed to return.
You’re allowed to reclaim.
And you're allowed to do it with love.
Mentions & Inspirations:
📘 Decolonizing the Body – Kelsey Blackwell
🌿 Xochitl Ashe – Born for This lineage & morning ritual
🎤 Sovereign Storyteller – A decolonial storytelling course by Joey Yung-Jun Liu
🧘♂️ Joy of Living – Secular meditation course by Mingyur Rinpoche
🌀 Project 1GroupLove – Energy activism & ancestral reconnection
🌎 LA County Land Acknowledgment
Sending prayers of love, gratitude, and peace to all my future ancestors and praying that I become as strong of an ancestor one day.
Mystically,
Belle
Share this post